There's something scary and exciting about returning to something. That feeling of wondering if you can do it or if you will just leave. It's been months since I even looked at this page. Since I've thought of words and pictures that would go together. I ask myself if I am ready to return. I think I am.
It is as if I am opening the door on all the thoughts, memories, and pictures I have stored up inside, letting them all spill out through my fingers. It is something natural, something I never even realized I missed. It is beautiful.
I am sixteen now and I still don't know what to think of it. It doesn't feel very different yet I can feel adult-hood closing in while childhood tries to take a stronger hold on me. One day I will need to find a balance between them but for now I can stay as I am. I feel excitement for the future but I do not wish to be there so soon. I want to relish my time because I've learned how truly precious and fleeting life and time is. I found a quote that perfectly illustrated what I have discovered.
Today I am older than I have ever been and younger than I will ever be again.
Life does not know what the word pause means. There is no such thing as a standstill, only short times of peacefulness between the chaos we all call our lives. Those are the times when we stop and look around. See the joy and the pain in other's eyes and forget about our own for a while. When we gather together and laugh away the problems. Peace is found in the smile of a friend, the laughter of a child, the silent watch of the stars, and the whisper of leaves as they make their slow descent to the earth below. These are my times of peace and remembrance.
These are the times when I thank God for what I have, had, and will have. Those are the times when I feel inspiration and I feel comfortable with who I am. Those are times I treasure.
There are times in everyone's lives when they have to cling to the promise that God will work all things out for good. This month has been that time in my family's and my life. Our nightmare started on July fourth when two precious boys were ripped from our lives in a lake accident. My nephew, Nate and his best friend, Noah joined Jesus and we were left behind to feel the pain. The boys are in heaven now, Noah is probably pushing the "rain button" and Nate's probably trying to keep Noah out of trouble and drawing portraits of Abraham, Noah, and Peter.
The last month has been a time of trial and of learning to truly trust God. And though the boys are no longer with us, I know that we will see them one day because of the hope we have within us of a Savior who rescued us from our sin.
Noah was the hilarious kid who was always in trouble and was honestly a little "playah." He made us all laugh with his jokes, songs, and genuine curiousness. I will never forget him standing up on a table while we were camping and singing, "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?!?" at the top of his lungs. That was just the kind of boy he was; loud, spontaneous, and full of life.
Nate was my buddy. He was a talented artist and an aspiring runner and swimmer. He ran a triathlon a few months before and I could never get over how much he loved it.
Noah always found himself in the midst of trouble. He just seemed to run into it without meaning too. I remember one summer's camping trip we all were on "the island" and he stepped on some glass and cut his foot open. He screamed bloody murder and that he wanted his mommy while I carried him to the boat and screamed for someone to come get us. I was his "rescuer" that day and I'll never forget it.
He was the class clown and trouble maker combined, making his absolutely hilarious to be around. But at the same time no one had a heart like him. He always wanted to help others.
Nate was like my little brother. I teased him, I laughed with him, I played with him, I grew up with him. It will be so hard to continue growing up without my fellow pirate and Spiderman lover, as well friend, but I trust that God will help me and anyone else who was and is touched by their lives. They lived such short lives but already Nate and Noah have touched more people than I ever thought possible. My dad used their stories to touch people in Brazil and people are being touched here in my town too. They were so young but they loved the Lord so much and He granted them a legacy far above what anyone could imagine.
Moving forward will be hard and there will never be a day that I won't think about those two boys but I know that my God is bigger than this tragedy and that He will bring us all out stronger on the other side. I look forward to having Noah and Nate give me the grand tour of heaven when I meet them there.
They truly lived in a way that honored Christ and I know that I want to live like they did; to live like that. Whenever you hear that song, Live Like That, remember these two boys and the legacy they left and be inspired again and again to live a life worthy of Christ's call; to leave a legacy that will touch people with Christ's love.
camping; the simple, constant joy of summer. no summer is complete without at least one camping trip...or three! camping brings out the simple joys i miss in my everyday life. the baseball games, the tubing-induced screams, and the silhouettes as the sun slowly sinks below the mountains.
this little boy is growing up so fast. it seems like it was only yesterday that Jett Alexander came into my life, but in truth it has almost been two years. that astounds me. i can't believe the months have slipped by in unison. a constant blur until one takes time to focus on the time passed.
and this kid; our artist, comedian, swimmer, and now runner. Nate did a triathlon a couple weeks ago, and even though he finished last (come on, how many ten year olds really do these things?) we were so proud of him. God has great plans for him.
yes, Jett really likes brushing his teeth. and he doesn't always do it with his toothbrush either!
and combing hair. our future barber?
And all that teeth-brushing and hair-combing naturally wore the fella out. Awwwww....
Noah Dean
some of my church friends came over for the day.
and i let Jillian use my camera so there are actually pictures of me...remarkable!
and my "brother" seth. this kid cracks me up!
more baseball. :)
Yeah, we get into it...
and that's my crazy "family." you gotta love summer.
What do you think of when you hear those two words? I will always think of a girl's weekend, the book of Ruth, and what it means to truly follow Christ. Last weekend the girls in my youth group loaded on a bus and set out for Gatlinburg for a weekend of laughter and praise. {and more than a few odd faces}
We stayed in a huge cabin, sharing a room with anywhere from four to eight girls, which honestly can be quite chaotic and crazy, not to mention slightly dangerous. Maybe the people who built these things shouldn't have put ledges close enough to the beds to jump off of. Just saying.
We hung out and rode the bus, which I have to say is amazing. I'm pretty much in love with bus trips. Yeah, I'm weird.
We even got dressed up and went for a fancy dinner. And I did it all with my best friend and sistah, Holly. Isn't she just BEAUTIFUL! And do you like my bangs? I love them!
This has to be my favorite picture of the weekend. It's just so genuine and un-posed. It truly showed the emotion of the weekend, not to mention the beauty of these girls!
Yeah, we were weird too. And we like to "hold" people.
And all the while there's me with my camera snapping pictures at really odd times.
I love the sunflare in this picture. It makes her look like a model or something. And let me just say again that these girls are gorgeous inside and out!
And because I'm the "resident photographer" I got volunteered to take these lovely ladies' pictures. I must say it was my pleasure because they entertained me more than I did them!
And we ate, who can forget that?
Worship was so amazing. The girl who lead it had a voice that sounded like Adele's and the songs she chose really spoke deep into my heart. We sung a song called Break Every Chain and every time I heard those words;
There is power in the name of Jesus
There is power in the name of Jesus
There is power in the name of Jesus
To break every chain
To break every chain
To break every chain
I just wanted to forget the world and lift my hands in praise to the One who can break every chain that holds me back---all the worries and jealousy that mar my life. It was absolutely amazing to take a timeout from my chaotic life and just stand there with no distractions and thank God for the blessings He's given me and to ask him to direct my path.
The book of Ruth really spoke to me too. Ruth had gotten a taste of God during the years she had been with Naomi and her family and she wanted to know Him so bad that she was willing to leave everything comfortable and known behind her just so she could grow spiritually. I just thought that was so eye-opening. God has been changing so many things in my life lately and it's just interesting to see that He uses changes like that to show me that I need to continue growing and that if I have to get out of my comfort zone to do that, I need to.
I also really learned about being a leader in this kind of setting. On the last night it was like things just snapped for many of the girls and people just started sobbing all over the place. I felt like God was telling me just to go and hug and pray with my friends and with people I didn't even know all that well. It definitely made me think about what being a leader in the youth group really means.
{doesn't this look like a double exposure? It's really just a picture though the glass door! It's crazy awesome!}
And honestly, what's a girl's trip without a little OneDirecton? (or a lot) {and maybe a little JB?)
I'm not kidding, I had his song Boyfriend stuck in my head for days because they played in on the bus like eight(y) times! haha!
And overall, I just got to know a lot of really amazing people I had met before but never really known. I had a pretty amazing weekend. Have you had these kind of experiences before?
This weekend I went to something quite unique. It was called a chalk-walk. Artist came from all over to buy a sidewalk square to chalk their art in. Since we are doing one in my town in a couple weeks, my sister, mom, Nate, and my friend, Jen headed down to get inspired. The chalk drawing below had to be my favorite chalk drawing we saw, probably because it was named after one of my favorite songs by Needtobreathe, not to mention it looks awesome!
I thought this was pretty creative, if not interesting.
Even little kids and their dads got involved, maybe slightly less impressive but no less creative.
And we ended the night laughing around pizza at TomatoHead. If you have never eaten there, you need to! Head to Knoxville right now! It's all organic and wonderful, and really, who doesn't like a good ol' pizza, especially one this good?
Oh, and I got my hair cut and now I have bangs! But I guess you'll have to wait until next time to see those beauties. I love them!
