Winter is beautiful in a harsh sort of way. It strips bare the colorful facade and reveals the bones underneath. It slowly reveals the secret flaws. It sends wind to rip across our cheeks, turning them red from the cold. It brings tears to our eyes and we wipe them away over and over again. Our toes grow cold but our heart is thawing, melting, revealing our hidden self. The true heart is uncovered, just as an ancient city is by men. Winter forces us to look at ourselves differently, in the view of harsh reality, untainted by our facades and masks. The walls we built turn to ashes around us and we are vulnerable, exposed. We spend the winter like this, with our heart open but when spring comes again we rebuild the walls until they turn to ashes again.
There's something scary and exciting about returning to something. That feeling of wondering if you can do it or if you will just leave. It's been months since I even looked at this page. Since I've thought of words and pictures that would go together. I ask myself if I am ready to return. I think I am.
It is as if I am opening the door on all the thoughts, memories, and pictures I have stored up inside, letting them all spill out through my fingers. It is something natural, something I never even realized I missed. It is beautiful.
I am sixteen now and I still don't know what to think of it. It doesn't feel very different yet I can feel adult-hood closing in while childhood tries to take a stronger hold on me. One day I will need to find a balance between them but for now I can stay as I am. I feel excitement for the future but I do not wish to be there so soon. I want to relish my time because I've learned how truly precious and fleeting life and time is. I found a quote that perfectly illustrated what I have discovered.
Today I am older than I have ever been and younger than I will ever be again.
Life does not know what the word pause means. There is no such thing as a standstill, only short times of peacefulness between the chaos we all call our lives. Those are the times when we stop and look around. See the joy and the pain in other's eyes and forget about our own for a while. When we gather together and laugh away the problems. Peace is found in the smile of a friend, the laughter of a child, the silent watch of the stars, and the whisper of leaves as they make their slow descent to the earth below. These are my times of peace and remembrance.
These are the times when I thank God for what I have, had, and will have. Those are the times when I feel inspiration and I feel comfortable with who I am. Those are times I treasure.
camping; the simple, constant joy of summer. no summer is complete without at least one camping trip...or three! camping brings out the simple joys i miss in my everyday life. the baseball games, the tubing-induced screams, and the silhouettes as the sun slowly sinks below the mountains.
this little boy is growing up so fast. it seems like it was only yesterday that Jett Alexander came into my life, but in truth it has almost been two years. that astounds me. i can't believe the months have slipped by in unison. a constant blur until one takes time to focus on the time passed.
and this kid; our artist, comedian, swimmer, and now runner. Nate did a triathlon a couple weeks ago, and even though he finished last (come on, how many ten year olds really do these things?) we were so proud of him. God has great plans for him.
yes, Jett really likes brushing his teeth. and he doesn't always do it with his toothbrush either!
and combing hair. our future barber?
And all that teeth-brushing and hair-combing naturally wore the fella out. Awwwww....
Noah Dean
some of my church friends came over for the day.
and i let Jillian use my camera so there are actually pictures of me...remarkable!
and my "brother" seth. this kid cracks me up!
more baseball. :)
Yeah, we get into it...
and that's my crazy "family." you gotta love summer.
What do you think of when you hear those two words? I will always think of a girl's weekend, the book of Ruth, and what it means to truly follow Christ. Last weekend the girls in my youth group loaded on a bus and set out for Gatlinburg for a weekend of laughter and praise. {and more than a few odd faces}
We stayed in a huge cabin, sharing a room with anywhere from four to eight girls, which honestly can be quite chaotic and crazy, not to mention slightly dangerous. Maybe the people who built these things shouldn't have put ledges close enough to the beds to jump off of. Just saying.
We hung out and rode the bus, which I have to say is amazing. I'm pretty much in love with bus trips. Yeah, I'm weird.
We even got dressed up and went for a fancy dinner. And I did it all with my best friend and sistah, Holly. Isn't she just BEAUTIFUL! And do you like my bangs? I love them!
This has to be my favorite picture of the weekend. It's just so genuine and un-posed. It truly showed the emotion of the weekend, not to mention the beauty of these girls!
Yeah, we were weird too. And we like to "hold" people.
And all the while there's me with my camera snapping pictures at really odd times.
I love the sunflare in this picture. It makes her look like a model or something. And let me just say again that these girls are gorgeous inside and out!
And because I'm the "resident photographer" I got volunteered to take these lovely ladies' pictures. I must say it was my pleasure because they entertained me more than I did them!
And we ate, who can forget that?
Worship was so amazing. The girl who lead it had a voice that sounded like Adele's and the songs she chose really spoke deep into my heart. We sung a song called Break Every Chain and every time I heard those words;
There is power in the name of Jesus
There is power in the name of Jesus
There is power in the name of Jesus
To break every chain
To break every chain
To break every chain
I just wanted to forget the world and lift my hands in praise to the One who can break every chain that holds me back---all the worries and jealousy that mar my life. It was absolutely amazing to take a timeout from my chaotic life and just stand there with no distractions and thank God for the blessings He's given me and to ask him to direct my path.
The book of Ruth really spoke to me too. Ruth had gotten a taste of God during the years she had been with Naomi and her family and she wanted to know Him so bad that she was willing to leave everything comfortable and known behind her just so she could grow spiritually. I just thought that was so eye-opening. God has been changing so many things in my life lately and it's just interesting to see that He uses changes like that to show me that I need to continue growing and that if I have to get out of my comfort zone to do that, I need to.
I also really learned about being a leader in this kind of setting. On the last night it was like things just snapped for many of the girls and people just started sobbing all over the place. I felt like God was telling me just to go and hug and pray with my friends and with people I didn't even know all that well. It definitely made me think about what being a leader in the youth group really means.
{doesn't this look like a double exposure? It's really just a picture though the glass door! It's crazy awesome!}
And honestly, what's a girl's trip without a little OneDirecton? (or a lot) {and maybe a little JB?)
I'm not kidding, I had his song Boyfriend stuck in my head for days because they played in on the bus like eight(y) times! haha!
And overall, I just got to know a lot of really amazing people I had met before but never really known. I had a pretty amazing weekend. Have you had these kind of experiences before?
