on authenticity

        I found a picture on pinterest that said, "help people + your talent = purpose".  This just hit home because these last couple months I've been asking God, "what do You want me to do with my life?  What is my purpose on this earth?"  He still has not told me, but He is slowly showing me that to truly love and serve him, authenticity is needed.  A true purpose must be genuine.  I can't imitate someone else's passion and purpose.  It must be the one God has for me.  

        Because of these things that God is showing me, I decided to choose a word for 2013: Authentic.  To be authentic means to be true to one's own personality, spirit, or character, and not to be false or an imitation.  There are many parts of my life that I want to be newly infused with authenticity.

        As a young lady in Christ, I want to have an authentic faith.  I don't want to have a cheap imitation when I can have the real thing.  I want to be real in all aspects of the word. 

        As a photographer, I want to take pictures that matter.  I want to capture people's genuine emotions and facial expressions as they happen, not as they are posed.  

        In my life I want to be myself and I want to be open about how I feel.  I waste too much time wondering if I'm going to say something stupid.  I don't want to pretend I am someone I am not because I don't feel comfortable.  Jesus never called me to be comfortable.  He called me to step out of my comfort zone and show people who he made me to be.  I want to learn to forgive everyday, not just when people ask for it.

        In my friendships I want to be open about my struggles.  I want to love until I think I am going to burst.  I want to always listen first.  I want to ask how people are and not just settle for one word answers.  I want to develop friendships that will last.  I want to write letters and keep in touch and not just forget about people because they don't live conveniently close to me.  

        Basically, I don't want to be like everyone else.  I want to love differently, see differently, and live differently.  I want people to wonder what it is that I have that makes me different.  I want for God to be real to me.  I want people to see Him in me because everything in my life and faith is authentic, not because I prayed at the lunch table.  I want to be authentic and I hope God will do a work in my heart this year, through all the new experiences, struggles, friends, and memories.

TWENTY THIRTEEN

Twenty twelve is coming to a close, and honestly I can't say I'm sad.  I almost am eager to leave it behind, forget it forever.  But I know I can't do that.  Twenty twelve will be branded in my mind forever.  It will always be part of who I am.  But now it is time to let a new year change me.  Looking back at the year, I have come up with some aspirations for the new year, especially dealing with my photography and writing.  

Lately my photography has been so posed, so generic, composed mostly of self-portraits.  I don't see anything wrong with self-portraits; I mean, after all, the photographer of the family is hardly in photos anyways, but I realized that those pictures don't matter.  They look cool, and they get a lot of likes on Instagram (oh, my level of success. fail.) but in ten years they aren't going to matter.  This year I want to capture life.  I want to have pictures that capture a person's personality, a memory, or have a meaning to me.  Without that, I feel as if I am failing myself as a photographer.  This year I want to practice lifestyle photography in my own home, go out on photoshoots with my friends, and just capture my life as it comes.
When it comes to my writing, I've been doing a lot of poetic writing, much like the writing you would find here.  This year I'm going to be using a lot more of my writing here along with my pictures.  I might enter a writing contest, but who knows.  I just know that I don't ever want to stop writing again.  It's my safe place, and it helps me think.  It is how I cope with life sometimes, and other times it's how I rejoice in it.  I never want to lose that gift.
This year I am going to pursue what I love doing.  I'm going to serve with a new purpose.  I am going to write as I think of things and capture as the moment comes.  I'm going to capture life in a new way, and I'm not going to waste a second.  I have wasted far too much already.  This is what I want my twenty thirteen to look like.  This is my aspiration.
Here is a sample of the photography and writing I want for twenty thirteen.

My culture is obsessed with love stories.  We read about and watch them everyday, trying to ascertain our own story.  The want to love and be loved is programmed into us.  We can't escape it.  But it doesn't matter how hard we look for it if we aren't looking in the right place.  There's only one love story that truly matters, and it's not the one on the television.
november 2012

You're beautiful darling, lovely darling, always darling.

I watch you try so hard

make up

gossip

laughing when you're supposed to.

Try to fit in 

Make people like the fake you.

But what about the real you

Suffocating in the corner while the fake takes center stage?

What will it take to save that girl? 

What is the air she breathes?

What do I need to do to bring her back,

Revive her again?

August/September 2012

Suddenly I am struck with overwhelming wanderlust.  Faraway places call my name, beckoning me to explore their culture.  They invite me to capture them and the people in them with my lens.  How can I give into this wanderlust when I am stuck in this small town?

November 2012

We all doubt our purpose and question our faith, but only those with the courage to seek the truth will dispel their fears.

November 2012

Words fill my head like music fills the street of New Orleans, clamoring to be set free, to touch the world with their whisper.  I am unsure as I begin what will conspire, for words flow out from me, and I do not control them.  I need only pen and paper and the words I loosely hold will harden into shapes scrawled across the wrinkled pages I love.

November 2012